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Sex during pregnancy

mkate06 — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:58:10 +0000

Sex during pregnancy – all you need to know

Answers to the questions you were too embarrassed to ask – we explain all you need to know about sex during pregnancy.

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In today’s society we’re inundated with information about having sex when you’re not pregnant however, sex during pregnancy is a whole different matter and talking about it can often seem a bit taboo, making it even more confusing to find out what’s ok and what’s not. So, to help clear things up we explain all you need to know about sex during pregnancy.

Is sex during pregnancy safe?

Providing you’re experiencing a ‘normal’ pregnancy (one that’s considered low risk by your health care provider), it’s completely safe to continue having sex throughout your pregnancy.

Your baby is securely protected by both the cushioning amniotic fluid that surrounds them in the womb and your strong uterine muscles so you can rest assured that ‘getting jiggy with it’ isn’t going to harm him or her one bit. What’s more, you have a thick mucous plug sealing the top of your cervix and this acts as a barrier protecting your baby from infection by preventing anything (semen or otherwise) from entering your womb. Having said that it’s always best to be on the safe side and seek advice from your healthcare provider if you experience any bleeding, discomfort or any other symptom you’re not sure about after you make love.

Can my baby feel anything?

Many women experience contractions during or after an orgasm however, provided these cease shortly after, you have nothing to worry about as these are different to the contractions that will help to bring your baby into the world. You actually would have experienced these contractions to some extent before you fell pregnant however they are merely intensified by your expanded uterus which is why you may notice them now.

During the later stages of pregnancy some women notice a change in their baby’s movements after they make love, sensing that their baby becomes either more or less active post-coitally. However, this is simply a result of the increased blood flow and surge of hormones to your pelvic area, so you can be confident that your baby is not in any discomfort, can’t feel anything and really has no idea what is going on.

I’ve gone off sex – is that normal?

It’s actually quite common to lose interest in sex after you fall pregnant so this is nothing to be concerned about. This is especially the case during the first trimester when nausea, fatigue and breast tenderness can mean it’s the last thing you want to do. Some women do find they regain their interest as they near their second trimester and start to feel a little better, while others feel uncomfortable with the way their body is changing and just don’t feel like it until after baby arrives. This is completely normal and, even if you don’t feel like making love there are still plenty of other ways to maintain physical intimacy with your partner like kissing, cuddling or massage, whether or not this leads to sex.

I’m more interested in sex – is that normal?

While some women lose interest, others find that their libido gets a boost during pregnancy and again this is completely normal. Some women feel an enhanced closeness to their partner, love their changing body and find the whole experience more arousing due to the increased blood supply that can help to enhance sensitivity in the genitals.

My partner’s sex drive has changed – why?

Just as you may have found that your sex drive has altered since you found out you were pregnant, it’s likely that your partner’s will too and again you may notice that they become more or less interested in making love as your pregnancy progresses.

If your partner’s libido seems to have taken a downward turn it’s easy to worry that they no longer find you attractive now you’re ‘with child’, however, in all likelihood this is likely to be a combination of worrying that sex will hurt you or the baby and anxiety about the prospect of becoming a parent. On the other hand, your partner may find the pregnant you a real turn on which is of course really lovely to hear but not all that great if having sex is the last thing you feel like doing. As with anything it’s important to keep the channels of communication open and talk about your sex life however it progresses as this will help to ensure that you both continue to feel secure and happy in your relationship.

How to accommodate a bump

As you get nearer your due date your bump can start to make making love a little more challenging than usual. However, while it may mean that the missionary position goes out the window, where there’s a will there’s a way and with a little creativity there is no reason why you should go without. Positions to try include you on top, on all fours, sitting on your partners lap or side by side (in a spoon position) as these all help to relieve pressure from your bump and enable you to control the depth of penetration, making it a wholly more comfortable and enjoyable experience.

Sex after giving birth

mkate06 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:45:46 +0000

Will childbirth affect your sex life?

Yes, it certainly will! So please don’t expect that everything will instantly return to normal. Men are particularly likely to believe this; a lot of young men think that they’ll be able to have intercourse as soon as their partner gets home from hospital. But that just isn’t true.

You see, childbirth is a pretty traumatic process for a woman. Having a baby pass through her vagina is almost like having a small explosion go off inside her. The delicate vaginal tissues are inevitably strained, bruised and torn – and it takes some weeks for these injuries to heal up.

Furthermore, childbirth involves very considerable hormone changes hormone changes – as well as emotional stresses. Therefore, very, very few women feel rampagingly sexy until a long time after they have given birth.

Therefore, it’s important for both mother and father to realise that lovemaking may not go brilliantly in the first six months or so after Baby arrives. So be prepared – and be patient!

How soon can you resume having sex?

In general, a woman shouldn’t consider having full sex (ie intercourse) until after her postnatal check-up. This examination usually takes place about six weeks after the birth.

Even then, she may not feel ready to ‘go all the way’ – particularly if she has had stitches and the opening of her vagina is sore.

If you’re in any doubt about whether to resume sex, ask the doctor who does your postnatal examination for advice – particularly about using additional lubrication..

Can you go in for any other sexual activity before resuming intercourse?

Yes – and it can be a good way of ‘letting off steam’. Couples do often get very frustrated when they’re waiting to resume sexual intercourse. This applies particularly to men!

So, in the meantime, you can go in for loveplay – though there is one danger, which we’ll explain in a moment.

Can both of you go as far as the point of climax? Definitely! It will do the postnatal woman no harm at all to have orgasms if she wants to.

So, things you can do include:

hand petting on the man by the woman – what’s often called a ‘hand job’.
hand petting of the woman by the man – using his fingers to stimulate her clitoris. But he should not put his fingers inside until she has had her postnatal examination and the doctor has said that everything has healed up. So, just stick to stroking and rubbing the outside of her sex organs. It’s quite safe to pay plenty of attention to her clitoris, which is well away from the area where stitches are put in.
oral sex performed on the man by the woman. This type of loveplay – termed ‘fellatio’- often proves a great boon to a male who is desperate for sexual release.
mutual caressing of various other parts of each other’s bodies.

Is there anything we should avoid?

Yes. Please heed this important warning. You’ll note that in the section above we have not recommended oral sex performed by the man on the woman (ie ‘going down ‘ on her).

This activity – often termed ‘cunnilingus’ – is definitely off limits during the first few of months after childbirth.

Why? For two reasons:

it could introduce infection into the vagina and womb.
even more seriously, it has occasionally led to death. These tragedies have occurred because the man has (often accidentally) managed to blow air into the vagina. Air can very easily get into the blood vessels of the newly-delivered womb – and cause an often fatal illness called ‘air embolism’. Not long ago, the British newspapers reported an appalling case in which a man forced his wife into cunnilingus shortly after she came home from hospital, puffed air into her – and killed her.

Is it OK to handle the breasts after childbirth?

Yes, it is OK – provided the woman feels happy about it. But don’t go in for ‘boob play’ if she develops any kind of breast disorder, such as a nipple crack or an abscess.

Do feelings for the new baby affect your sex life?

Absolutely! You’ll find that a great deal of time has to be spent taking care of the new baby. Most new mothers – and plenty of new fathers too – feel exhausted because they are never able to get sufficient sleep. This may go on for months – or even a couple of years.

During this time, a man can feel as if his partner is pushing him away. He may think that she is lavishing all her attention on the baby and this may make him feel jealous, or left out.

After watching a partner go through pregnancy and birth, some men gain a new respect for the female body. These guys find it easier to articulate the emotions they feel about the new phase of their relationship and become more considerate of their partner’s changing needs.

But a few men who have been at the birth of their child are quite distressed by what they have seen. Indeed, some of them feel so guilty at the pain their partner has gone through that they are unable to even consider the idea of making love with her again. This is usually just a passing phase, but not always. And such a man should seek help from a counsellor to discuss his feelings.

To create and maintain a good atmosphere in the home, your relationship has to be one of trust and mutual respect. Both partners need to try to understand the other’s point of view. It is vital at this time that the couple can still do things together without the baby being involved so that they can enjoy the feelings they had for each other before they became parents.

We do urge new parents to take advantage of any offers of babysitting that come their way from fond grandparents, aunts, uncles and friends so they can go out together – or even just retire to bed for a sleep and perhaps a spot of sex!

Natural family planning (fertility awareness)

mkate06 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:34:09 +0000

What is fertility awareness?

This form of natural family planning helps identify the phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle when she is most fertile as well as those phases when she is less fertile and, therefore, less likely to fall pregnant.

How reliable is natural family planning?

It is not reliable as a form of contraception when used on its own, but it can be helpful both for couples wishing to avoid pregnancy and for those actively trying to have a baby.

If a woman’s cycle is irregular then natural family planning will be less reliable.

You should also bear in mind that none of the methods that come under the heading of natural family planning will protect you from sexually transmitted diseases.

How does natural family planning work?

Natural family planning is based upon certain facts about a woman’s eggs and a man’s sperm:

a woman usually ovulates 14 days before her next period.
for example, if a woman has a regular 28 day menstrual cycle, counting the first day of her period as day one, then she will usually ovulate on day 14. If her cycle lasts 32 days, then she usually ovulates on day 18.
once ovulation has occurred, the sperm has only 24 hours within which to fertilize the egg in the woman’s Fallopian tubes.
sperm can survive for up to seven days following intercourse.

With this knowledge it now becomes possible to identify three phases of fertility during each menstrual cycle. However, if a woman’s cycle is irregular then clearly it is more difficult to predict when ovulation is likely.

The first phase is the first infertile phase, or the first safe period when the woman is unlikely to fall pregnant. This starts on the first day of the woman’s period and ends on the earliest date from which sperm could survive long enough to fertilize the egg. This first safe period is short because sperm can survive for up to seven days after intercourse and a woman may ovulate early. Therefore, unprotected intercourse during this first phase may result in pregnancy.

The fertile phase is the time when a woman is most likely to fall pregnant. Couples not wishing to become pregnant, should avoid intercourse during this time or use other methods of contraception such as condoms. If pregnancy is desired then this is the time when a woman is most likely to conceive. The fertile phase lasts from the end of the first phase until 24 hours after ovulation.

The second infertile phase or safe period when a woman is less likely to fall pregnant is more predictable than the first phase. This phase lasts from the end of the fertile phase until the beginning of the woman’s next period.

Accurately identifying the time of ovulation is the cornerstone of natural family planning. The three principal methods of calculating when ovulation is likely to occur are:

the calendar method
the temperature method
the mucus test.

The calendar method

What is the calendar method?

The calendar method makes use of our knowledge of when a woman is likely to ovulate. This enables many women to calculate their fertile and infertile phases described above. The fertile period is 12-16 days before the period starts.

How do I prepare for using the calendar method?

Before using the calendar method, a woman has to make a detailed note of her periods for six months. Each month, you should note the number of days between starting one period and the next. Then work out the longest and the shortest interval between your periods. Now you are ready to start calculating.

It can be hard to do it correctly and you will need a pen and paper. From the shortest interval you always subtract 18 days. If for example, the shortest time between starting one period and the next during the last six months was 27 days, by subtracting 18, you arrive at the 9th day after the start of your period.

From the longest interval you always subtract 11 days. For instance if the longest space between starting periods was 31 days, subtract 11 to arrive at the 20th day after the start of your period. Using the figures in this example, the first safe phase would be from day one to day eight, the phase when conception is most likely to occur would be between day 9 and day 20 and the second safe phase would be from day 21 to the start of your next period. Please note that these figures are an example only and you will need to do your own calculations to work out your own fertile and less fertile phases.

If your periods are more irregular, the unsafe (fertile) periods will be longer.

What demands does the calendar method make?

This method of calculating ovulation demands an accurate recording of your period intervals. If you do not wish to become pregnant you will need to be able to tolerate long periods without sex unless other forms of contraception are used. Alternatively, if a couple are trying to have a baby, it can help them identify the dates when conception is most likely to occur.

The temperature method (also known as the basal body temperature or BBT method)

What is the temperature method?

As we have described above, the chance of falling pregnant is much greater around the time of ovulation. The temperature method helps women find out when they are ovulating by taking their temperature every morning. The day after ovulation takes place a woman’s temperature will go up by about half a degree Celsius under the influence of the female hormone progesterone.

How to use the temperature method

Measure your so-called ‘base’ temperature every morning after waking from at least five hours of undisturbed rest, and before getting out of bed. It is important that your temperature is measured correctly using the same, accurate thermometer every day. If possible, it should also be taken at approximately the same time every day. Keep a record of your daily temperature. As soon as three successively higher-than-average temperatures have been noted.

Pregnancy Guide

mkate06 — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 13:28:46 +0000

Helping you through pregnancy

Congratulations, you’re going to have a baby. Though the average pregnancy lasts 266 days – 38 weeks from the time of conception – your expected date of delivery is calculated from the first day of your last period. This is 40 weeks, which doctors divide into three ‘trimesters’, each lasting three months.

Here is your comprehensive guide to those 40 vital weeks. How you will feel, what you should be doing and what complementary therapies and good nutrition can do to help you have a happy, healthy pregnancy and perfect baby.

Week 1-3

The egg has been fertilised by the sperm and is a cluster of dividing cells, known as the blastocyst. It is only the size of a pinhead but multiplying fast.

Three layers of cells are starting to develop, which will divide into the different parts and organs of the body, including the skeleton, nervous system, brain, lungs and kidneys.

Also beginning to form are the first cells of the placenta, the mass of tissue that provides oxygen and nutrients for your baby, as well as transferring waste products out of the body via the mother’s body.

This, however, does not kick into action until the blastocyst has become a fully formed foetus – about week 13-14. And all these changes will be starting to happen before you even realise you’ve missed your period.

Week 4

You may be feeling unusually tired, but otherwise it’s really too early to notice any of the changes happening in your body.

A plug of mucus has formed in the cervix to seal off your womb and prevent any infection from entering. The baby is about 2mm long and weighs less than 1g. The heart has started to beat.

Week 10

Your baby’s nervous system has matured enough for him or her to actively move about. The intestines are absorbing glucose, which is fuel for the brain.

The first nail fields are beginning on fingers and toes. The liver starts to make red blood cells. By now, all the organs plus the amniotic sack of fluid around your baby have been formed and the umbilical cord is attached to the placenta.

Tip: Breast size can change considerably during pregnancy. Get properly fitted bras as soon as you notice the current one is getting tight.

Week 20

You are halfway through your pregnancy and the top of your uterus will be about a finger’s width below your navel. You will be able to feel obvious movements.

Your baby is roughly half as long as he or she will be at birth. Hair is starting to grow and he or she is rapidly gaining weight. Up to now, the growth rate has been very fast but it is slowing down to allow the lungs and immune system more time to mature.

The sexual organs are developed and will be detectable on a scan to an experienced operator. A girl’s ovaries will hold all the eggs she will ever produce: roughly several million. From now on, the fully formed placenta will provide all your baby’s needs.

Week 25

Your baby has waking periods and sleeping periods, and may be most active when you are resting. The influence of the hormones progesterone and relaxin will soften your joints and ligaments and the increasing weight and size of your baby will alter your centre of gravity.

Take particular care when bending and lifting so that you do not damage your back. Stick to gentle forms of exercise such as walking, stretching and swimming.

Week 30

Most babies have turned upside-down, so that their head is in the right position for birth. You maybe suffering from troublesome haemorrhoids (piles), due to the pressure of the expanding uterus on the blood vessels.

Make sure you are eating plenty of fibre. The homeopathic remedy Hamamelis will ease discomfort. Take in tablet form and apply the cream locally. Sit on a bidet filled with warm water to which has been added one drop of cypress and one drop of juniper oil, mixed with 5ml of base oil.

Week 40

Your baby’s head will have descended into the lower segment of your uterus and be pressing through the softened, partially opened cervix.

If you have gone past your due date and do not want to be induced, there are a number of alternatives that you could try to bring on labour. But please DO NOT attempt these until after your due date has passed.

Acupuncture can work well: an acupuncturist will insert needles into the back or apply acupressure to specific points. Two treatments a day may be necessary to get things moving. You can take the homeopathic remedy Pulsatilla in fluid extract or Caulophyllum 30, every half hour until contractions start (Caulophyllum should not be used if you have a history of easy labour or if this is not a first baby).

Cranial osteopathy can help to stimulate the pituitary gland, the source of certain hormones important in labour. Failing that, try the traditional remedies of sex and a hot curry (a lot more palatable than castor oil).